why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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