I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
