either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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