called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize