Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
