I don't think brook has ever known best
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
