I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
