You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
