don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is Oprah even human
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
