I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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