you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Randomize
