Define "chronic" masturbator.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
