Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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