But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
