I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
