thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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