I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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