Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
zippers are such a cool invention
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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