my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize