so explain again why im purple
no
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
