I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
