i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
