bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
