Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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