I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
