How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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