you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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