My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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