Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My vagina is officially offended.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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