So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
