Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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