is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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