I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you told grandpa to call you daddy
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
