We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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