goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it because I queefed?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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