dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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