why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
They took my balls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
