last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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