I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
