I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
