what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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