i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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