i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Randomize