Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
