Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
