we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
