Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
