dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
