Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
