You just made me feel so damn special
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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