i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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