you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
