I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
