We won't sleep together?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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