dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
