my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize