And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
