the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
