I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
