my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
