I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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